Saturday, August 7, 2010

Flowing Through My Fingers

Seasons...I have been thinking about seasons.  Our modern world sometimes seems so disconnected from the natural ebb and flow of life.  Pages and chapters of our lives quickly turn and we are not cognizant of the passing of time.  There are no markers, nothing that causes us to pause and take notice.  We don't seem to grasp the minutes and hours and years that flow through our lives like a child's silky tresses flowing through our fingers.

Modern technology and lifestyles spin around never ending opportunities and everything is quickly within our grasp.  The world’s mysteries can be explored within a days jet ride or with a press of a finger and the miracle of the Internet.  Our disconnected lifestyles are built on quickly sifting sand and we don’t understand why we are so discontent.  Days and weeks pass…and we fail to see a child’s small hands opening and closing as they master what is easily within our grasp… cheerios and rose petals and crawling bugs.


We were created to move with the tide as it ebbs and flows and to the rhythm of passing days measured by the rising and the setting of the sun.   A God who measures our days created us and teaches us through His word and His creation that life has seasons.  Yet much of what we do is too much to do, about nothing.  


It is so easy to get caught up in the complexity and demands of modern life.  Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.  The most precious moments in life aren’t planned, manipulated, carefully choreographed or documented.  They just happen.  You gently take a child by the hand and walk away from all the should of and could of and would of and you embrace a cherished moment of unconditional acceptance and love that only a child can give this side of eternity.


I am not nor have I ever been a perfect mother to my children.  I have often failed them and I have often failed myself.  I’ve missed opportunities, forgotten birthdays, failed to provide home cooked meals and never canned a single jar of strawberry jam.  I have let the sun go down on my wrath without an apology, never packed a lunch for my husband to take to work and still struggle to maintain a consistent prayer life. 


I have fallen short of every demand I have placed upon myself and every delusional dream I have entertained about the perfect wife and mother.  Almost thirty years of marriage and four grown children and despite all my shortcomings I am at peace with who I am because I have been loved by my children and I have loved my children to the best of my ability…and they know it.


I wasn’t always there for my children, but through God’s grace and His shaping of my character through the seasons of life… I have often over the years…stepped out of the world of possibilities and stopped the craziness, closed my ears to the voices of obligation and duty and responsibility, looked my child in the eyes, held their face in my hands and listened and watched and prayed and let life happen.  Seasons will come and time will ebb and flow.   Love those babies with everything in you…love them and hold them and pray for them and when they grow up and leave your home… the seasons will change and one day life will flow through their fingers like the silky hair of a sleeping child… and they will remember you.


Years ago, I wrote a song...and I won't include all the verses but here is the chorus...

In a hug, in a word, in a husbands smile, in a look, in a touch, in the eyes of my child.  In a prayer, in the dark on the night I cried.  In a heart, in a life, in this child's eyes.  Through the smile of a friend, in mama's hug, in a look in a word, in my child's love.  He is there. Jesus is always there.





Stephanie said...

How is it, PapaNana - that you know exactly where I am at and what I've been contemplating/dealing with on a daily basis? And so eloquently write out in words what I've been battling putting together in my head? I appreciate you Donna - and all of your wisdom. Thanks for your words of insight....sigh....thank you....

Kelly Marin said...

Although I don't know you and you dont know me, Your words of wisdom touch my heart and give me hope as a wife and mother. Thank you

TheFoleyFive said...

I might just burst into tears when I see you in two weeks.
just so you know.

i love you