Thursday, June 10, 2010

I Am a Servant

Years ago when we were a family of little ones living in the ideal hamlet of Dundee...I struggled with loneliness and an overwhelming homesickness for my family and my people and my little island in the sea. I longed for yesterday, and I longed for could have been ... and would have been and opportunities lost. I was homesick for the child I never was and the home I never had and the artist that never lived. I was saved and God was changing and healing me...and I was feeling that loss so intensely ... I was not only homesick...I was heartsick.

So years ago, after weeks of endless rain, sick babies, unhappy husband, chaotic home and wrestling with God... I had a weird dream.

I dreamt I was in a circus tent and I was climbing this pole like an acrobat...higher and higher I climbed and beneath me were these famous artists and musicians and performers and at the top was this beautiful sculpture by Michelangelo. I remember seeing incredible works of art all around me as I pushed on towards this sculpture that I knew was to be mine. When it was finally within my reach ... I saw that this magnificent work of art was nothing more then a cheap plastic replica. A huge sense of disappointment flooded my soul and when I awoke I was weeping with an overwhelming sense of loss ... and then God spoke to my heart.

It was as if He said ... all these things you desire will pass away ... every creative act of man is only a cheap replica of what God can create. All art will one day pass and there is nothing under the sun created by man that has the authentic stamp of God’s eternal life giving creation. Only God can create works of art that breathe and live and can exist for eternity.

In that simple dream, I knew God had so much more then what I grieved for. It was as if He said, their is only one act of genuine creativity that human beings can participate in ... soul winning. When we share the gospel to those who are hurting ... when we reach out to empty, starving dead souls and they respond in a genuine prayer of repentance ... God’s spirit moves through our words and testimony and God’s breath of life flows into them and they become a new creature. God moves through us to create new life. He has no other plan. He chooses to limit His greatest act of creativity ... the redemption and rebirth of humanity ... to the uncertain, frail, unskilled and unworthy workmanship of His redeemed children. This incredible plan of redemption is the only act of creativity that bears the genuine mark of God’s eternal life giving creation ... a plan that brings dignity not only to the one who is redeemed but the vessel that chooses to let the Lord use him to bring redemption to others... How crazy and how magnificent and how mind boggling scary is that?

I determined in my heart that I would let God teach me how to be all that I needed to be so He could use my life to reach others. When I was first saved I heard a Larry Norman song that captured my heart and often through the years his words would ring in my heart and memory and remind me of who I am called to be in Christ. It’s a simple song and I often wonder why a female vocal artists hasn’t recorded it...

I Am a Larry Norman

I am a servant, I am listening for my name

I sit here waiting, I’ve been looking at the game

That I’ve been playing, and I’ve been staying much the same,

When you are lonely, you’re the only one to blame

I am a servant, I am waiting for your call

I’ve been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall

How can you use me, when I’ve never given all

How can you choose me, when you know I quickly fall

So you feed my soul, and you make me grow,

And you let me know you love me,

And I’m worthless now, but I’ve made a vow,

I will humbly bow before thee,

Oh please use me, I am lonely.

I am a servant, getting ready for my part,

There’s been a change, a rearrangement in my heart,

At last I’m learning, there’s no returning once I start,

To lives a privilege, to love is such an art,

But I need your help to start,

Oh please purify my heart,

I am your servant

1 comment:

TheFoleyFive said...

oh thank you mom. you understand me so well. Perhaps we are indeed cut from the same cloth, or the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :) But the artist in me is always restless, and tossing and turning and begging to be more important than God...its pretty but is it art? (line from an incredible poem by kipling)....Its so safe learning all these lessons with you and dad, and so many saved people I love, sharing their wealth of knowledge, and realizing, I never was, or ever will be, alone in my struggles. It is such a relief to hear how others and more importantly, YOU coped, because I respect who you are and who you were in my childhood, so I will soak up your wisdom and try to squeeze it into my heart and soul and crazy little mind until it makes sense and applies to my own life. Thank you mama.
ps (if you want to make it so anyone can comment even if they don't have an account, go to your settings,then comments and change it to accept anyone even anonymous users, then change the comment form placement to popout)